In 2017, while I was a new amateur writer just starting out on the Episode Interactive platform with two small stories published, I was inspired to write the book that would be my current debut book today. `

I was hit with the first 5 chapters and published them quickly filled with the "new project excitement" jitters. It didn't take long before I realized this story would be too big to contain on an interactive platform, and with my newly developed carpal tunnel, I simply could not sustain the 17 hour days I would put into the coding, character and background creation and staging, outside of also writing the story. 

Procrastination overtook me for years. I took my time plotting and making mood boards and playlist--anything to prolong actually having to start. But in 2020, I had no more excuses. There was nothing but time at my disposal. So, I gave NANOWRIMO a try and finished on November 30th with a 100k messy-manuscript. 

I spent 5 years perfecting it. But in 2022, I gave birth to my first child and entered a very difficult season. I was already far from God. I was encased in bitterness. My newlywed season and new motherhood was not how I had romanticized it to be or looked. And to make it worse, I hadn't written or edited in about a year! All things in my eyes then were bad. I felt like God had forsaken me. Surely, good things should come to those who loved Him and only good things--boy was I blinded!

In 2023, I got back to editing and finally felt joy again. But it was obsessive. I kept feeling like the book was the only thing of importance I had in my life. It took God literally breaking my laptop in 2024 for 2 months for Him to get my attention. I finally stopped putting Him last. I finally stopped obsessing over my manuscript. Being sad when nap time was over because that meant I would have to stop working on it. Two months later, my laptop was suddenly restored. I just tried starting it on a whim one day and it actually turned on and didn't go to the blue screen of death! 

But by the time I was able to resume working on my book, I no longer had the desire too. I remember having to force myself to be interested but all I wanted was to be in God's word. So, I stopped trying to force myself to write and just went where my spirit led me. Then one day at work I remember feeling so saddened. In the quiet, I asked the Lord if the reason for my lost desire in my book was because He was removing it from my heart because He didn't want me to pursue it. Though I didn't have the desire to work on it anymore, I was still heartbroken at the thought of being told to let it go because it had always been there-- through singleness, through my engagement, through newlywed season and then motherhood. I always had it to work on, so hearing God's response being a yes scared me.

But then I heard an audible "Not Right Now", and I said okay and continued on patiently waiting on His guidance. In January 2025, I felt called back to my book. My interest resurged. I was self-editing and booking a final beta-read, when 2 months before my beta reading I felt the call to make it Christian. I ignored it, but then this same word kept popping up in all of my media. "Further God's kingdom". So, in my disobedience, I started googling if all Christian's were required to make all their content Christian? I wanted out of what was being called upon me. My book was already clean. There was no cursing, no sex, no innuendos. Anything that the spirit pointed out to me, I removed, so I wanted that to be enough. 

On my final read through a month before beta reading just to test all my new edits, there was a shift. Scenes that had me kicking my feet and giggling like a school-girl a month ago, now had me cringing. And it wasn't because the writing was bad. The message was. God slowly revealed to me how I'd written a worldly romance. Sure, it was clean, but was it healthy? The romance had become their God. Their idol. I never saw it before because that was how I viewed romance myself without even realizing it. Then God pointed out my dedication that I had typed out before the manuscript even had a single word written down. 

"To those who find a love that saves them. 

To my love who found me when my world was crumbling around me. 

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for saving me. 

I love you, Always and Forever"

-N

This dedication had been typed out since 2018 and it wasn't until earlier this year that I saw anything wrong with it. Jesus saved me but I thought my now husband did. And suddenly that was all I saw in the manuscript. I never saw anything wrong with it because that was the kind of depiction of love you see all around. "Your soulmate" the one who "completes you", "My other half". All the roles that should be for Jesus to fill because only He can.  

So, after having a full blown panic over this revelation and not knowing how to fix this monumental error, I gave in--a little. I decided to sprinkle in some faith very lightly. The worldly romance was already there so the Lord gave me the idea to shift the writing in a way that shows it as being a warning rather than the ideal standard. But I didn't want to commit to Christian Fiction. I wanted to write for everyone and appease everyone. I felt like I had the "for everyone" kind of book. 

Well, my beta reader (bless her!) gave me a rude awakening that I needed to hear. And I am convinced they were words from God Himself to me. While she gave me a glowing review of the book and praise for how far its come since 2021, She also, called out that my book was trying to please two worlds. She said it wanted to be a Christian book so bad but I wouldn't take it there. She could sense that I wanted to be more marketable, more palatable. 

So, after a breakdown and complete defeat that lasted two days, I finally surrendered and took all of my beta readers notes and prayed for direction and guidance to write the book the way God wanted me to. It was scary because I truly didn't feel qualified--I still don't. But I've been led here. But the more I read the bible, I see that God doesn't call the qualified, he calls the willing and fertile hearts, And to be honest, my story is so much richer now. I see myself in each character. They are each at different stages of faith, ranging from no faith-to having faith but it's based on works, to not sure what their faith is outside of the covering of their parents faith since leaving home. In my obedience, God gave me 4 books for this story universe. Three for the main couple of book 1, and one for a major secondary character in book 1. 

I'm excited to see how God will move.